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 Wellesley Hills Congregational Church Gives Disheartened Singles Hope To Cope
New Beginnings support group helps rebuild lives
by Marlene Gasdia-Cochrane, Editor
"I came to New Beginnings 6 years ago after I lost my husband. I was so depressed that I didn't know how I could ever function normally again. Thanks to this wonderful group and Dr. David Stryker, I was able to come out of my depression and continue running my husband's business. I am still attending this group to give back and help others as they've helped me. I hope this group will continue for many years, and I will forever be indebted to New Beginnings for giving me a new life."
This is just one of the many comments received by the Wellesley Hills Congregational Church since its inception in November of 1989 when 12 members of the congregation joined together to form a group called "New Beginnings." New Beginnings is an interfaith support group for separated, divorced, widowed and single adults and is currently celebrating 20 years of supporting people dealing with various types of loss.
Rev. David Stryker -- a UCC minister who has been the director of the group over the years -- has doctorates in both theology and psychology. He is dedicated to helping members to overcome their fears associated with loss, develop positive outlooks toward their futures and improve their overall sense of self-worth.
"Some people have been married for 15-20 years and then find themselves alone. Some are grieving, some feel there is a stigma attached to them, and most feel isolated," Stryker explained. "This group offers 'hope to cope' by giving them a connection to the community and providing holistic, physical, emotional, social, and spiritual help."
New Beginnings promotes a self-help type of environment and combines both outside speakers and small support/discussion groups. Groups start and end on time. Members can arrive at 5:30 and bring their dinner instead of eating alone. There is an orientation for Newcomers 6:15-6:45 PM. Support groups usually meet 7:00-8:00 or 8:30 PM and are tailored to meet the specific stage of loss an individual may be experiencing. The groups are led by trained volunteer facilitators who serve to guide members throughout their journey:
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'Orientation' (for newcomers)
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'Good Grief' for those recently bereaved, widowed, divorced or separated
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'Life Losses' for individuals dealing with multiple losses (partner, friend, relative, job, move etc.)
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'Beginning Again and The Next Step' for those in the earlier stages of transition but, still dealing with anniversaries, and other anticipatory losses
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'Moving Forward' for building networks, and connections to help empower the individual
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'Life Lessons' where members share the lessons they have learned from life's transitions
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'Plain Talk' for individuals furthest along in their journey, or for those who just need a break from it all
"New Beginnings has truly been a 'new beginning' for me," said another member. "My husband's death had not only brought hardship and a cessation of all my plans and dreams for the future, it had robbed me of my ability to laugh and to hope. What was worse was the fact that I didn't even realize my psyche had taken such a downturn. All the symptoms were hidden from not only family and friends, but most certainly from myself...I attended my first meeting at the urging of my younger sisters: they gave me no specific information other than it was the 'sort of thing for you. Just give it 5 weeks. Promise.' Never did I realize I still had so much buried in my spirit that needed to flow out. My first meeting made a slight difference. I did cry...and cry...and cry. Then, as the weeks passed, I learned to smile and to laugh. I could giggle again! Now, I attend regularly, eager to experience what I believe God has in store for me, and with the hope of helping someone else. Loss of a spouse or the special someone who completed us is more traumatic than the uninitiated realizes. New Beginnings changes lives and then works to fill them up with completeness. I am thankful."
This ministry has grown immensely with 45-70 individuals attending the weekly support group. According to Stryker, one of the Associate Ministers described the group as "truly a congregation within a congregation." In addition to those in the congregation who have joined the group over the years, individuals from 13 surrounding communities are served as well. New Beginnings is truly a dynamic support group -- one that has served over 4,500 individuals over the years.
New Beginnings was fully funded for the first three years by a couple in the Wellesley Hills Congregational Church who recognized the need for support for the growing "single population" (widowed, separated, and divorced). Now members pay a $40 yearly membership fee which helps fund programs, professional speakers and refreshments. Rev. Stryker's salary, as well as, the meeting space are supported by the church's Outreach ministry.
"Even in the midst of our own painful personal loss we can reach out and help others," said Stryker. "Many of our church members over the years have attended the group to receive help during a relationship loss, and then found themselves giving back by volunteering as one of the facilitators or greeters, or helping with publicity. There are 20 volunteers engaged in helping 52 weeks of the year. They have discovered that as they share and care with others their own burdens become lighter, and they find the courage to face the challenges of rebuilding their lives."
The group meets every Thursday evening, including holidays, at the Wellesley Hills Congregational Church. Meetings begin at 5:30 p.m. and end at 9:00 p.m. and the agenda -- aside from the on-going weekly support groups -- can include professional speakers, larger discussion groups, pot luck dinners, social events and other periodic special events.
For more information, visit www.newbeginningswellesley.org. To contact Stryker, call 781-337-5679 or email feelstress@comcast.net.
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