May, 2004
The Official United Church - - - of Christ Welcoming IQ
Quiz
Humor and insight from Western area minister Peter Wells.
Please answer each question with absolute honesty but if
you don’t know the answer you can make one up.
1) What color is your front door?
2) How many ways are there for a visitor to get into your
church and which is the best way for me to get in so no one
will notice me?
3) When a visitor comes in the door, or doors, (which is,
or are, what color?) what do they see? Who do they meet? What
color tie are they wearing?
4) What color is your guest book, where is it located and
who makes sure a visitor signs it? What happens to the book,
and all the info contained there in, after Sunday morning?
5) Where is your name tag right now? Where are the name tags
for last week’s visitors?
6) You many know the way to San Jose, but tell me how to
get to a bath room in your church?
7) I have a whining little kid and I ask if you have child
care, what do you say, besides “My God she certainly
is in a good mood!”
8) Does your worship bulletin: A – Tell me about the
next meeting of the trustees B – Inform me when I can
drop off tag sale stuff C – Let me know when I can drop
off my kid for youth group C – Welcome me and tell me
how I can find out more info on the church D – Tell
me why you painted the front door such a hideous red
9) Ok, it is time to do the Lord’s Prayer, does your
bulletin tell me if it is debts, trespasses or sins or do
I have to mumble?
10) Do you serve decaf or high test coffee at your coffee
hour and how do you make sure the visitor doesn’t have
to drink the stuff alone?
11) It is Tuesday night and I am checking the mail, do I
find: A – A note from my dentist telling me that it
is time for a cleaning B – A note from my kid at college
telling me it is time to pay for her cleaning C – A
note from my mom making me feel guilty for all the times she
paid for my cleanings D – A note from the church telling
me that they appreciated my attendance and hoped I will come
back soon E – A note from a painter offing to paint
my front door for free
12) What was the date of your last membership class and when
are you holding your next one?
Extra Credit: What is the primary source of church members:
____ Monasteries
____ Museums ____ Members ____ Mortuaries ____ Martians ____
Malls
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