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May, 2004
“The Commonwealth and the entire culture are at a moment of change regarding the marriage covenant. We can't predict everything that will happen in the time to come,” says the Web site of Newton Highlands Congregational Church — a reflection of what many MACUCC churches are going through.
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| Robert Kyte, pastor of First Congregational Church, Dalton, speaks at Clergy Colloquy. |
Since the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled that
same-
gender marriage will become legal in the Commonwealth starting
May 17, the Massachusetts Conference has facilitated conversations,
colloquies and workshops to help congregations and clergy
think about, learn about, and respond to the ruling.
Approximately 200 people have attended Conference- sponsored workshops; one event is still upcoming.
The largest event, with 157 attending, was the Conference's Clergy Colloquy "Ministering in the Wake of the Mass. Supreme Court Ruling on Marriage," March 23 at United Congregational Church, Worcester. The New York Times, Boston Globe and Worcester Telegram were there to cover this timely topic which will reverberate through other states.
Different pastors, different churches
A panel of local church pastors spoke from their own experiences about how to prepare congregations to have conversations on the SJC ruling. Robert Kyte, pastor of First Congregational Church, Dalton spoke of his small town congregation where people have known one another for decades and often are related through multigenerational families.
“During our Open Forums on same sex marriage, I discovered that in addition to having a `don't ask, don't tell' attitude on homosexuality, we have a 'don't ask, don't tell' attitude about our views on religion!” Kyte said with ironic humor. He plans to continue to open people up to talk about how their faith connects with opinions on sexuality.
He asked the question “Who in your church has the power to make policy on weddings?” He answered “In our church, the pastor and Deacons make the policy together. As a ceremony of the church, I don't believe that the minister alone has the right.” The Dalton church performs weddings for members and their families and the Deacons vote on other requests.
Deborah Clark, pastor of Edwards Church, UCC, Framingham, is supported by her congregation for her comments in the press and in her personal life, she noted at the Colloquy.
Clark has made statements in favor of same gender marriage twice in the MetroWest News daily paper covering Framingham, on the front page and in an article she wrote for the Op-Ed page. Although she worried about how to engage people who might have disagreed, twice the Deacons ass ured her, “It's OK to speak out.”
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| Audience at Clergy Colloquy paid close attention to speakers. |
Her congregation went through the Open and Affirming process, even though Clark was openly lesbian when the church called her to be pastor eight years ago. “I am so grateful for being in a congregation where our relationship has already been accepted,” she said.
The third panel speaker, Kenneth Baily, pastor of Newton Highlands Congregational Church, noted that especially since the ruling his church has gotten lots of hits on its Web site, www.nhcc .net/blessings_ss.htm. This includes their page titled “Marriage Blessing for Same Sex Couples — A Gift from God” which says:
“Here at NHCC, we strive to present the Spirit of Jesus our founder, who embraced many and whose Church is inclusive beyond standard cultural boundaries.”
Early Christian marriage
“Marriage is mutable, it has changed over the centuries
and decades,” declared the Rev. James Olson, OCC, Associate
Dean, Marsh Chapel at Boston University. As he described the
changes in attitudes about marriage and wedding ceremonies
since early Christian times — audience members at the
Colloquy were surprised, even stunned. With a
few exceptions, the majority of traditions assumed to be “givens”
in weddings were not always so.
The earliest Christian church modeled their weddings after local Roman custom, which already used the veil, rings, and public consent by the two people marrying. From both Roman and Jewish customs came the wedding feast. They were private ceremonies, held in homes. In Jewish and Christian marriages, both partners were required to share the same faith.
| MACUCC Events Around SJC Ruling Lobby Day, Feb. 12: more than 20 UCC clergy and church members joined others from 18 religious groups at the Mass. Coalition Freedom to Marry Lobby Day, at the Statehouse in Boston, to support the SJC decision to allow same gender marriages. Workshop, March 20: "What Does the Bible Say About Homosexuality?", The Congregational Church of Needham. Clergy Colloquy, March 23: "Ministering in the Wake of the Mass. Supreme Court Ruling on Marriage," United Congregational Church, Worcester, with 157 attending. Workshop, May 7: "Same Sex Marriage and the Church: An Issue of Justice or Moral Failure?" Marvin M. Ellison, Bass Professor of Christian Ethics, Bangor (Maine) Theological Seminary, will present "Weighing the Objections, Making the Case," The Congregational Church of Needham. |
The three reasons given for marriage in the early Church were to produce children, as a remedy for sin, and for the couple's mutual aid during illness and old age.
Marriage was not considered a sacrament of the church until around 1000 A.D. Originally the ceremony was held outside the church — first at the front porch, then the doorway, to be witnessed by the public as a legal contract. As the Middle Ages progressed, marriage ceremonies came inside and were eventually held at the communion rail.
Weddings didn't move into the church until the 1500s, Olson said, and the traditional “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health,” vows were written in the 14th century.
Within Protestantism, wedding location and timing were changed by prominent theologians. Martin Luther's marriage ceremonies were done at the door of the church. John Calvin performed weddings within the Sunday worship service, after the sermon and before the last hymn. Luther and Calvin both viewed marriage as a largely civil matter, but believed that it was good for the church to promote and support it.
The Puritans, forbearers of the Congregationalists, didn't exchange rings, considering the practice to be too 'papist.' Of the three reasons for marriage, they believed “mutual aid” was the primary purpose.
Throughout the history of Christian marriage, the balance was always drawn between the religious and secular, church and state. The fact that the couple faces each other to consent to the union indicates the spoken, civil contract; the consent to the vows asked by the minister indicates the adherence to faith-based promises. No matter what version of the ceremony or who the participants are, Olson asserts that marriage is “The richest community of God's love in our culture.”
Opening hearts and minds
In their presentation at the day-long Colloquy, Karen Nell Smith and Paula Elizabeth encouraged people to “share stories, rather than getting ready to defend their position.” The two presented “Walking in the Way,” a process by which church members can learn to listen to one another without judgement or intimidation. “We are looking for ways to open hearts and minds rather than changing them,” said Smith, pastor of The Congregational Church of Christ, Leominster.
“I want to get out of debate mode and help people open themselves to listen,” Smith added. “How the room is set up matters. I like to create an environment that is different from a city hall meeting room with rows of chairs where people step up to the microphone to convince others.”
At the Colloquy, people gathered in small circles and spoke to the question, “What is your understanding of marriage and what role should the church play?” This gave participants the chance to enter into a covenant for working together, which included “Walking in the Way” guidelines:
Give voice to all; no exclusion
|
Open and Affirming Throughout the MACUCC, 47 congregations are presently Open and Affirming out of a total of 425 churches. Several are in the process, since it takes anywhere from a few months to several years to complete the studies required, which involve prayer, reflection, educational events, and discussion by all members. The Conference's ONA Task Force can provide more information. |
Michael Penn-Strah, in an interview after the Clergy Colloquy, spoke of his deep concern about “ironically excluding our sisters and brothers in Christ who either disagree with us about gay marriage or have doubts about the issue or just aren't ready to face it now for whatever reason.”
Penn-Strah, Associate Conference Minister in the Northeast Area, hopes that “those who believe so passionately in, and have worked so hard and long to create, a truly inclusive denomination,” do not now create an atmosphere of discrimination.
“Those of us who have been part of the struggle for so long find it easy to be enthusiastic about the SJC's ruling,” said Penn-Strah. “That includes me, the proud father of a gay son who has been in a committed relationship for more than a decade and, with his partner, has adopted two children, our only grandchildren. I would love for my son and his partner to get married in Massachusetts. I would love for my grandchildren to be able to enjoy the same security that children of a heterosexual union enjoy.
“But we must be careful that our enthusiasm does not create an atmosphere in which those who disagree with us feel they have no voice and cannot be heard. As Disciples of Jesus Christ we have more in common than we are different. We need to remember Jesus' prayer: `That they may all be one,' the motto of our denomination, and find ways to lift up our unity in Christ as we continue our dialogue on difficult and sensitive issues.”
Rev. Penn-Strah and the other Area Associate Conference Ministers have made time in clergy sector group meetings for pastors to talk with one another about how the SJC ruling is affecting them and their work.